The Parsippany NJ Non Grata Picture Show

31 Oct

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This late month’s entry will speak more in pictures and not in words.

Last month, I made an impromptu visit to my childhood town of Parsippany, NJ incognito to visit my mom and my half-sister, Bernadette. Didn’t publicize it on social media or anything, because of the current political atmosphere that has made practically everyone insane of late. I stayed mainly closely to the vest of my mom’s house (which I didn’t grow up in), just venturing out to visit Morristown, Willowbrook Mall, Rockaway Mall and a few hours in New York while I was coming and going. The only friend I had planned to drop in on was the grandmother and aunt of actress some kid named Danika, whose mother, Linda I had occasionally dated a few times back in High School (all our dates were concerts. Six  altogether.) Danika just made her first major motion picture debut in Jack Reacher 2: Never Go Back a couple of weeks ago this month after honing her chops on television shows such as Shameless & The Heroes Reborn mini-series that was televised on NBC last season. I was hoping to see one of the Freeman sisters I used to take as a substitute date when Linda couldn’t make it, but she was working somewhere in an office at Princeton

Parsippany was also home to Golden Globe winning actress Jane Krakowski, widely known for her roles on Ally McBeal and 30 Rock can now be seen as a supporting actress on the Emmy nominated series, the Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. I didn’t interact with Jane too much as she was four grades behind me (I do remember seeing her in grade school) other than I once gave her a ride in my Ford Pinto during a blizzard seeing her struggling to walk in a snowdrift along Vail Road.

Other notable people besides me were mainly professional athletes, and I mainly don’t give a shit about professional athletes. Just show biz people.

A little Wikipedia background on Parsippany:

Parsippany-Troy Hills Township, commonly called simply Parsippany (/pɑːrˈsɪpəni/), is a township in Morris County, New Jersey, United States. As of the 2010 United States Census, the township’s population was 53,238, reflecting an increase of 2,589 (+5.1%) from the 50,649 counted in the 2000 Census, which had in turn increased by 2,171 (+4.5%) from the 48,478 counted in the 1990 Census.

The name Parsippany comes from the Lenape Native American sub-tribe, which comes from the word parsipanong, which means “the place where the river winds through the valley”. Parsippany-Troy Hills is the most populous municipality in Morris County. The name Troy Hills was changed from Troy, to avoid confusion of mail being sent erroneously to Troy, New York.

After the Wisconsin Glacier melted around 13,000 BC, half of Parsippany was filled with water as this was Lake Passaic. Around the area grasses grew, as the area was tundra and then turned into a taiga/boreal forest as the area warmed. Paleo-Indians moved in small groups into the area around 12,500 years ago, attracted by the diversity of plant and animal life. Native Americans settled into the area several thousand years ago, dwelling in the highlands and along the Rockaway River and the Whippany River, where they hunted and fished for the various game that lived in the area and migrated through the area in autumn. Paintings in a rock cave were found in the late 1970s in western Parsippany in the highlands.

From 1611 to 1614, the Dutch established the colony of New Netherland, which claimed territory between the 40th and 45th parallel north, a zone which included northern New Jersey. The Native Americans traded furs and food with the Dutch for various goods. In return the Dutch gave the Native Americans metal pots, knives, guns, axes, and blankets. Trading with the Native Americans occurred until 1643 when a series of wars broke out between the Dutch and Native Americans. There were hostile relations between the Dutch and Native Americans between 1643 and 1660. This prevented colonization by the Dutch of the Morris County region which was technically included in their claimed “New Netherland.”

On August 27, 1664, three English ships approached Fort Amsterdam and the fort was surrendered to the English. The English now controlled New Netherland and Morris County was now under control of the colony of New York. Relations with the Native Americans improved for a while.

Lake Hiawatha and Mount Tabor are neighborhoods with their own ZIP codes. In 2000, 55% of Parsippany residents had a 07054 ZIP code. In 2011, Parsippany residents could live in one of 12 ZIP codes. Until 2000, there was a 13th ZIP code within Parsippany, eliminated with changes at the Greystone Park Psychiatric Hospital.

Greystone Park Psychiatric Hotel was long accused of conducting unorthodox experiments on its’ patients, that it was briefly closed down impending an investigation. It’s rumored that many of the atrocities that had once occurred served as the basis for the anthology series, American Horror Story: Asylum.

Lake Hiawatha was once a popular wealthy hang out for East Coast celebrities such as Bud Abbott, Lou Costello, Fatty Arbuckle, Groucho Marx and other nearby New Jersey talent when it was an exclusive resort. The lake was drained and became a golf course called Knoll Gardens.

So with that all out-of-the-way….

Despite the overwhelming discouraging eyesores of Trump/Pence campaign sign on every 10 or so lawns, there was at least some glimmer of hope with a few signs like the picture above for those who just want to be kept out of it altogether.

So, here in this first picture: the con was in way before DonaldDonny Fuck KnucklesTrump announced his running joke of running for President of the United States despite of having zero evidence of ever serving for office, ever, Unfortunately, the joke has gone too far. If elected, he will hold the record of being the most stupidest ignorant xenophobic asshole since George W. Bush to hold office. Expect the Trump brand to expand to street corner internment camps in your near future where you can hold conjugal visits with your favorite Muslim significant other. Anyway, this was something my mom found that was mailed out to my stepfather while he was still alive to possibly leech some cash from his already depleted pockets.

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One of the house duties of staying over for a week, was to make sure Bebe was walked and fed only dry food. My mom said if you feed this dog wet food, it will shit all over the place.

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My mom and my youngest nephew, Shea. My half-brother-in-law thought it would be cute to name all his sons after baseball players and stadiums. Cute. After all, my mom named me after her favorite movie stars Cary Grant and Tyrone Powers. Everybody has to have a gimmick. And to think they mocked Frank Zappa for what he named his kids. Hey, anything is better than Adolf or Osama, right?

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My half-sister Bernadette, who looks freakin’ amazing and in very spectacular shape of the age of 47.

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My half-sister and I probably haven’t posed for a photo together since she was a brownie and I was a cub scout in 1976.

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Doesn’t seem to have changed much since giving birth to her first son, Aldo.

Aldo, my nephew. Not to be confused with the Aldo that Trump named his illegitimate son that he had with Dr. Zira from the Planet of the Apes. I heard that Aldo became a very famous general on that parallel world.

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Our newest family member, Anna, who has come from Romania to rent a room from my mom to further her citizenship and to school herself in our American customs. She’s a very nice shy courteous girl and even though you can’t see it- AND you’re going to have to trust me on this: SHE has a very wonderful looking ass. If Donald Trump ever gets elected, he might unfortunately be able to get his hands on it. And that would be very devastating indeed. Bebe certainly likes her. Uh oh, those table scraps better not be wet food.

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Bebe sure likes that couch.

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My mother has proven herself to be very savvy with a laptop at the age of 74. Chances are that one day she’ll discover this blog on the internet. Chances are that ONCE she finds out about her picture being online she’ll kick my ass once  I show my face in New Jersey next year.

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I had these piggy banks since I was a kid. If my half-sister’s kids ever decide to go treasure hunting in my deceased step dad’s basement mancave, well, there’s treasure buried somewhere in that tomb. Those banks certainly got heavy to lift to the bank once they filled up.20160927_104922

A Dean Martin action figure once belonging to my step dad. It poses with plenty of martinis and then smacks your wife around while you’re not looking or at least seeing pink elephants yourself.

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Then there was that day when Bosco Bear got together with a duck and the duck had more wood than he did. If you would recall, I’ve mentioned several times on this blog that my grandfather, Harold Shannon was one of three baking ingredient chemists who developed the chocolate formula for BOSCO chocolate syrup. Each initial stands for the last name of the baking chemist involved and then Co for company and you have BOSCO. It doesn’t take a genius to crack the chocolate code.

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Me at a very young age.

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So, after six days, I decided I had it, so went up to hang out at Times Square where they spruce things up a bit. Former mayor Michael Bloomberg transformed the entire once traffic congested tourist area of Broadway theaters and shops into a huge mecca pedestrian plaza.

It appears that Bloomberg wants New York to emulate some sort of Southern California motif, as apparent by all the WEST COAST EATERIES that clog every crevice and every blog. I can see Jamba Juices, Yoshinoyas, Whole Foods, Trader Joe’s, LA Fitness, AND EVEN downright mimicking Hollywood’s own Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum & Ripley’s Believe It Or Not Museum. EVEN GOING OUT OF THE WAY to put them next door to each other just…like…they…do…in…Hollywood.

What a bunch of mother fucker copycats.

Has New York lost their identity, that they have to copy off of someone else?

Where did all the fucking hookers go?

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At least some things don’t change. Inside Port Authority Bus Terminal where you can hop on a Lakeland Bus for the incredible low commuter price of $ 10 a fucking ticket, you can woo at The Commuters, a sculpture of three weary bus passengers and a clock salvaged from original terminal by George Segal, which was unveiled in the main ticket area in 1982.

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Or the 42nd Street Ballroom, a rolling ball sculpture by George Rhoads on the main floor of the North Wing, was installed in 1983 which never get dull looking at, IF the goddamn thing was turned on.20160927_133410

Back to Times Square. Seriously, does the Chamber of Commerce have any originality whatsoever? YOU can come over to Venice Beach and see painted up naked ladies ALL YEAR around. Now check this out: This Lena Dunham wannabe is scolding this dude for snapping her picture without tipping her, BUT I’m snapping her scolding this dude for not tipping her WHILE I’m not tipping any of them.

And before she realizes that the fix was in, I’m already two blocks down the street catching my breath after committing this dastardly deed.

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A couple of pictures of Danika’s grandmother during a visit to Rockaway Mall. Trying to help her figure out how to work a iphone 7, so she doesn’t miss a text from Moviefone to remind her when Jack Reacher 2: Never Go Back starts to screen.

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Catching up on old times and was waiting to see if any other member of the Freeman clan  show up.  You’d think after thirty years of being away, more people would want to stop by to say hello.

Oh wait, that’s right- I’m supposed to be incognito here.

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Leaving on a jet plane. Flysoverville (aka Parsippany) is down there BENEATH MY HEEL somewhere.

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The morning I left to go back to Los Angeles, I made sure I shipped all of my Doc Savage paperbacks to my house, MANY that I have read since third grade in high school (fellow students accused me of being predictable whenever I handed in a book report) in anticipation of the Shane Black/Dwayne Johnson collaboration. For those who do not know my unbridled love of everything Doc Savage paperback related, harken yourself back to my imaginary world of The Action Figure of Solitude.20161003_204959

Next two blogs may be Yes Log related. Not sure yet so check back in another two weeks.

 

 

 

 

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